Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Nika is flying to Mars (3rd part)

<--- part 2 part 4 ------>

Nika woke up in bed in the same hotel room. It was still early morning and she was alone: her brother must have already left for a breakfast.

"Oh my Lord, that was just a nightmare. Geee, it was so real. So I didn't meet the band and I didn't cut my vein and I didn't fall asleep. How stupid".

She stood up and felt really tired. "This was a tiring nightmare, I feel awful." Nika came up to the bathroom and pushed the door handle".
"You don't want to go in there", - a very deep beautiful voice said. It came from the far dark corner of the room. Nika didn't need to turn to see his face - she perfectly knew whose voice it was., only one man had such a mesmerizing effect on her.
"James, what, er, what are you doing here?"
"What's the matter? You don't call me your king anymore?"
"What? How? How did you know? Did you read my note???"
"No, I didn't", - he came out from the dark corner and she saw his face. It was as if she knew him from before, as if they were friends.
"I know everything you know. I am the part of your brain" - he said.
"What, how?"
"Look, Nika, something happened. You did something before you fell asleep"
"I wrote a note"
"No, not that, Nika, concentrate, after that"
"And then I had a nightmare. Wait, James, you don't want to tell me it wasn't a nightmare?"
"No, it wasn't, it was real, it happened."
"So, I saw you and you got to know where I stay and you came to visit me?"
"Nika, don't be ridiculous! How on Earth is it possible? Concentrate! What's the last thing you remember?"
"I was in a bathroom. Thinking of my father..." - she looked at James with a sorry look on her face. But James smiled encouraging her to continue. "And then I fell asleep in the bathtub full of water".
"Yes, and before that..."
"Oh my go! oh, I cut my vein with that swiss army knife. But it was a nightmare, I am here."
"Nika, you are not. You are sleeping now. This a dream, everything before - it was real."
"ok, now I know it's a dream I can control it, right?" - and she looked at James.

"Oh, baby, we have some other urgent issues. Not that I wouldn't like to be a part of your erotic dream. But we have a serious problem." He pointed to the bathroom: "You are still in there."
"But I am here" - she smiled.
"No, baby, you are in there. Before going to the bathroom you opened gas in the kitchenette. You lost consciousness and you loosing blood right now, cold water stopped it, but you have to wake up."
"So, all this here - it's a hallucination?"
'Yes, it is, I am part of your hallucination, your brain chose me to help you."
She was standing there in the hotel room, it was like an epiphany, except she didn't want to believe in it. - "Well, that's easy, we can just go into the bathroom and wake me up."
"No, we shouldn't do that. We can't move objects in real and after I told you that you are in the bathtub no idea what kinda of monster you are going to see there. These objects are not real, not physical," - he touched a book with a tip of his finger and it turned into flames and burnt to dust.
"That's impressive, James Summers, you are the king of the kings."
'Thanks, but we need to wake you up, we need to work with your imagination..."
James words were interrupted by the noise from a window. They looked around and saw how a guy is making his way inside the room. He fell on the floor and quickly got up so now they could see him.
"What? What the heck? For the love of God, what ARE you doing here?"
"I am here to rescue you", - said a young guy. She recognised him, he was a young actor who played a vampire in one teenage movie.
"But, man, I hate you."
"No, you don't"
"Well, ok, I don't hate you, but I don't care for you!"
"No, come on, deep down you actually find me charming."
"You know, James, - Nika said, - if before I kinda hoped this is all real and you are real, now I don't have any doubts in the craziness of everything that is going on. Man, - she addressed to the young actor, - I don't even know your name, something with R, P, R... What was it?"
"Nika, you like me, ok, you can lie to your classmates or whatever, but not to yourself, deep down you like me and you can think about this later with a cup of coffee and a textbook on Freud, right now we have to rescue you!"
'All right, all right, you see me through".
"Folks, are we done? We sort of have to get out of here," -said James.
"Ok, ok, we are," - the vampire guy looked out of the window and said - "it's clear, we can climb on the roof, there is a fire escape, it's only 3 floors up."
They made their way to the fire escape. 'I know", - said Nika, "I am going to call you X-Ray, cause you can see through me and it starts with R."
James helped Nika to climb up, - she was wearing pyjama and high heel snickers, her imagination chose this outfit for this lovely crazy morning.
'Are you happy with me calling you X-Ray?".
"Yes, yes I am. Whatever". - they reached the top and climbed over to the rood of this very high building. "Why are you suddenly so talkative?"
Nika looked around and saw some people strangling on the roof like robots in video game, they were certainly part of her sick imagination. Her 13-year-old brother was among them, but he didn't look at her. No one did.
"It's just," - Nika whispered, -"someone is finally listening to me. They never do."
They looked around the roof. It was unclear what to do next.
"Nika, your imagination needs some sort of fear, panic, something that would kind of kill you for a moment until you wake up" - James said. - "Sometimes until you die - you can't feel your life."
"That sounds like a paradox."
"And yet it's true, we don't seem to value things we really like until we loose them."
She looked at the beautiful sky over Tokyo. And she remembered the scene from 'Requiem for a dream" - sometimes she wished that young couple to jump off the roof before all the crap that called life happened to them.
"I am going to jump off the roof. It will certainly kill me for a moment."
James looked at her with appreciation, X-Ray - with fear.
She turned, but X-Ray screamed: "Wait, what if it's all real? You are going to die."
"Yes, right, X-Ray, you are absolutely right. This seems like reality: I am standing in pyjama with a guy from a vampire movie whose name I can't even remember and with the frontman of my favourite band whom I've loved for years.You are absolutely right, this is soooo real."
"Ok, I see your point. Aren't you afraid though?"
"I am not a coward, at least, not anymore". She looked at James, came over to him and hugged him like she never hugged anyone except when she was a child. He hugged her too and softly whispered: "I know, baby, I know, you are not a coward. I don't wanna loose you even for a moment, but it's to save you for a life."
She turned around and without a second thought started running towards the edge of the roof.
"Shit, this feels like real."
Her heart started pumping like crazy and she dived into the beauty of this Sunday Tokyo morning of the 4th of October, 2009."
Air has left her as she was flying down, her lungs were desperate for some oxygen, she tried to breathe, but the only things that entered her mouth was water. water.
"Ahhhhhhhh." And Nika woke up under the water.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Nika is Flying to Mars (part 2)

<--- Part 1 Part 3 ------>

At 7 am she woke up again. It was still early for breakfast. She couldn't fall asleep from all the excitement of being in the same city with him - with James Summers and the Band. It was almost as if she could feel their energy.

Nika went quietly to the bathroom, dressed up and sneaked silently from the hotel room. She wanted to walk in the streets of Tokyo city that looked like a perfect dream.

Needless to say that she met the Band - for her dreams magically tend to come true.

And needless to say that he didn't talk to her - he probably didn't even see her when getting inside the black taxi. He didn't see her smile or hear her voice. It was almost as if she didn't exist.

"That's quite fair. How could I forget that while we could be physically in the same place on Earth - we will never be in the same universe. You are from a different social circle that I can never be a part of. I am from another country, I speak another language, I trust another God, I am from another background and have nothing to do with music. I am from a family of scientist geeks."

Exhausted, she returned to the hotel room. She was so tired and felt like she can burst into tears any moment now. So she said that she's not hungry and not going for breakfast. They left her in the hotel room and went for the breakfast and lunar conference.

Nika didn't want to hear words right now. "Please, not those stupid talks on physics or politics at breakfast - I can't stand it now - I never could." She wanted to be lost in music as she usually did when listening to the Band. But it would be too painful to hear James Summer's voice right now. The only other song she had on ipod was Tosca. That was her father's favourite opera. She remembers him dancing with her, trying to whistle the melody.

"Why was he so sad? Maybe he knew he was going to die soon." Nika didn't think about her father a lot. And she almost never talked about him. He, a Soviet astronaut Nikolai Kurganov, died when she was only four and her mother almost immediately remarried. So in a way she had a father, but he was boring - a lecturer on physics and astronomy. She never understood him, but he was a good father. Not dad, just father. Her real dad was really brave and enthusiastic, fearless, strong and talented. He could draw as good as those artists in the pedestrian streets of Arbat. He could sing so people would get silent and thoughtful. And he could whistle Tosca.

"You left me alone in the family of cold-hearted boring scientists where the only music heard is the intro to the evening news", - Nika was now lying in a bathtub full of cold water. She was still wearing clothes - jeans and sweater, she didn't even take her high-heels snickers off.

"You left me with a passion for art and no way to express it - I can't draw, write, sing or play musical instruments, no one taught me and no one would in this family."

Final sounds of Tosca made her cry, she was sobbing quietly for the things she lost and the things she would never have: "No one loves me here, and no one will".

Red string of blood and a silver blade of Swiss knife - "such a beauty" - she thought. "It's such a beauty."

And she fell asleep in red water, with eyes full of tears not only for her father's life, bravery and youth - but for her own."

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Little Ashes - I am so furious!

So wrong on so many levels. How on earth could a director make a movie and not use all the resources he had? First of all, Spanish language - it's passionate, earthy, funny and sounds artistic for others. It could add such a passion for a whole movie and create atmosphere. If you are making a movie about such a great poet as Federico Garcia Lorca, why not use his instrument? English combined with weird Spanish accent makes this film sound like a joke.
Second resource - Spanish landscape and colour palette. If you are making a movie about such a great artist as Dali, why not to use his language - his colours, give a vision of the world through his eyes? A script maybe isn't perfect but it does suggest using these resources. when Dali asks what should he wear - green or blue, for him it's so much more than a crazy question!
And third - actors, they are young, for God's sake. Unleash them, let them have fun and go crazy. Only Marina Gatell as Magdalena gave a sincere performance. Others look like they were told what to do and those two genius - Dali and Lorca - were never told what to do. You could use Pattinson good looks and make camera leek him unveiling raw magnetism that Dali had.
But no, the director failed to use these resources although script was quite decent. A waste of time and it physically hurts me to watch such a bad performance.
(more info on this film on imdb)

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Inglorious Basterds

You SHOULDN'T watch this film IF:
- you are a little princess
- you are afraid of life and reality
- you are brad pitt's fan (I mean you can watch the film, but it's not his type of movie and he isn't great, apart from his funny accent. I think Tarantino cast him just to have fun of him on the screen)
- you don't like reading subtitles (there are a lot of them)
- you don't like the German language (its sound is as much a part of this film as any other character)
- you don't like Diane Kruger (she's awesome in almost any film, so don't know what's wrong with you)
- you can't read (again there are a lot of subtitles, try to learn at least French before watching the film or Russian lol it's not there, but still try)
- you don't like the face of Til Schweiger (he's superb even when he is silent)
- you lack the sense of black humour or sarcasm or any sense of humour - this film is as much a comedy as it is ... a comedy
- you don't know that everyone will eventually die (unless you are Highlander)
- you read this and decided not to watch 'Inglorious basterds' - it means you are easy at giving up, so don't even try.

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Nika is flying to Mars (part 1)

Part 2 --->

Nika couldn't fall asleep. It was 5 am and she was still thinking about this and that. There were lots of thoughts and dreams in her head and she desperately hoped for some of them to come true, as all of us do when we are just 18.

Although it was 5 am here, in Tokyo, it was still 11 pm in Moscow from where she arrived several hours ago. It's funny, her friend Natasha sent her a text saying that Nika is already in 'tomorrow', the 4th of October, and she's still in ‘today’, it was like a message from yesterday.

Very weird feeling.

She opened the window: it was a beautiful dawn, kind of red. And she remembered that she just had a dream about a big beautiful star high in the sky. Or was it a dream? She had troubles sleeping so she couldn't even tell anymore.

In several hours she'll have to get up and go to have a breakfast with her mom, sister and little brother. They stayed together in the small hostel in Tokyo: her mother, Mary and her older sister, Julia, were attending conference on space technologies; there was a very long and scientific name which Nika couldn't remember, too boring. She was never into science and cosmic stuff, hm, there were enough of scientists in her family: her father was an astronaut, he died 12 years ago, in Baikonur, her mom and now her sister, who was 27, were working in the Russian Institute of Space and her little bother Max, who was 13, was also into science, although he preferred sci-fi films and comics.

Nika on the other hand was more into literature and art: she loved studying English and History at school and now was attending the first year of Moscow State University with a major in English philology. It wasn't quite clear what she would do once she's graduated but she didn't worry about that. Well, she didn't really think a lot about future.

She was a day dreamer and, as most of teenagers, she thought that she is very weird, strange and doesn't belong to this society. Right now, at 5 am in a foreign city she felt very lonely. It seemed to her that no one could understand her and no one tried.

Her mother was very surprised when Nika asked if she could go with them to Tokyo. Usually Nika didn't like travelling with the family and especially with her annoying little brother. Besides scientific stuff was always very boring to her. Her mother, Maria, didn't have a clue that Nika was going to Tokyo just because she hoped to meet her favorite musical band, which was in Tokyo for their October tour. As most of girls of her age she had a passion for one band, she was really into it: she knew all the songs, had their official t-shirts and posters all over her room. Her mom thought that everyone had something like that and there is no need to worry. At least she wasn’t into vampires or Emo. Besides this passion of hers gave her a reason to study English.

That’s one of the reasons why Nika couldn’t sleep on this beautiful Sunday morning. She was thinking of him, the front man of the band, she was picturing how she would go for a walk around Tokyo and accidently run into him. She was dreaming what she would say to him and what he would say to her. It was very exciting. She had too many ideas. So Nika decided to write her thoughts down – TOP - Think on Paper, that’s what her teacher always told her. It will help her relax and also kill some time.

My king, I seek for you. I'm your savior. And you are mine. Come to me. Find me. I'm here to help you and love you. Unconditionally. And you are going to save me from here, from this universe. I know - you can help me to get free from this prison of loneliness. We are like two lonely wolves. No, like eagles – we would fly.
No, I am not an eagle, I am a woman and I know I can make a man happy.
I can be your friend, my king. Find me. And I will give you some time of peace. Some time of escape. And I will be a wise and interesting person to talk to. And I will give you great advises. And you will give me confidence and support, oh do I need it? Your confidence and support? Just one or two smiles and silent nods once in a while, so I know that I am doing everything right.
Find me, my king, find me. In the streets of Tokyo on this lovely morning. I will not panic or ask for an autograph or a picture. I will not need anything from you, neither will you. But I can be your friend, my King, I am equal, yet different. I was born as a queen, not yours, yet a queen. On the crossroads of Asia and Europe, on the border of Russia and Kazakhstan I started the end of my beginning. I was named for a victorious goddess – Nika – and I can bring you victory in this war.
We have matching greatness, my king. Hunt for me in the streets of Tokyo on this lovely morning, you'll recognize me, I will hold a map of the world in my hand.”

Nika reread what she wrote and was very pleased with it. It sounded right. He will hear her thoughts. She put the pen down and closed her eyes.

Good bye, my beautiful blue planet, I am out of here.” – was her thought and then she fell asleep.

A journey home

A journey home or preparing to die from cancer - Tao

Pack up your bag
With love, friends' phones,
Book of that guy -
You're going to his home.

White dress, black dress,
Red Lingerie,
Don't take that photo
That brings back bad memories.

Turn off gas pipe,
Switch off TV,
And write with lipstick on the wall:
Remember me, Eternity.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

In search of my God

This is an abstract from my short story 'New York' about a young guy, musician, living in New York and questioning life.

No, no, no. Nothing is good about hate, rage or fear.

How shall I call you?

How many names do you have?
Life-giving spirit,
Soul-awakening energy,
Small part of my brain that isn't controlled by chemicals and neurons?
The unique part of my DNA?
The love of my life,
The total freedom,
The genius and talant within me that I can't even comprehend or control?
The light of full moon at dark night,
Little piece of hope left in the far corner of my heart when all logical reasons have failed and died?
The freshness of an early summer morning,
The smile of blue eyes,
The open door?
The little miracle on Christmas Eve.
The big miracle on Christmas Eve.
The American dream come true.
Te gulp of cold water after a long marathon,
The people.
The blood and bread.
The first take of air when I was born,
The oxygen?
The spirit,
The non-human beginning,
The love,
The you,
The mine,
The ours?

Sunday, 20 September 2009

How I was watching Julie & Julia

I was thinking - why do people go to the cinema? I mean, really, to think about that - you've got everything at home and you can create your own atmosphere and food and no need to spend money, so why not release films straight away on DVDs and charge a bit more and turn these cinemas into schools?

Well, my thoughts were so negative and there was a reason. - I was sitting in a very uncomfortable chair, the screen was so small that my TV is actually bigger, people are eating pop corn and playing with their phones (probably tweeting "I am in a cinema, about to watch Julie and Julia). Why why why do we go to movies?

But then the curtain fell (metaphorically) and the show (also metaphorically) began. I forgot about pop corn and screen and something embraced me for 2 hours, that I can probably call joy.

This movie is about 2 women, about finding themselves, their way in life. Julie who lives in our times, struggles with everything just like we do and doesn't really know what she wants, who and why. Is she brave enough to pose that question? Yeah, life is not all bed and roses and here comes Julia, played beautifully by Meril Strip, she is like a child (funny Julia was Child) and with every moment that she appears on screen she brings one message - the key is in enjoying the moment, the NOW and HERE, loving it. Her way of writing a book wasn't about a dream of becoming a writer and accomplishing something, it was a process, that she and others enjoyed.

Julia didn't cry when she didn't get something the way she wanted - can't live in Paris, all right. In contrast Julie was bursting because of a dish she couldn't make. Julia was joyful with every bit of success she had whether it was a letter of acceptance from a publisher or the "well done" nod from a teacher in a cooking class after she chopped several kilos of onions.

From now on I will pop a bottle of champagne every time something great happens. Sometimes I will do it just in my head (cause I can't really pop a bottle of champagne because someone complemented my shoes in the tube) but I will definitely share it with others, you, people, cause I love you. muaaaah.

On the night I turned twenty

That's a poem written by a girl on the night she turned twenty after she finished reading Harry potter and the Goblet of fire in which her favourite character Cedric Diggory died. Here is a link to Cedric Diggory profile on imbd to remind you who it is (played by Pattinson in the film).

So I woke up,
My pillow was now
All wet.

It smelled so salty
Like sea in storm
And my face was red.

And I remembered
The whole nightmare -
The only truth
How evil darkness
Took your youth.

You were so brave,
Protecting Harry,
So kind inside.

Everyone loved you and
It was easy for you to love.
To love the freedom,
World and people,

Oh Cedric, Cedric!
It was so fun knowing you live,
But now you're dead!
And I am twenty -
How horrible is that.

And I was weeping
The whole night long,
Not only for Cedric's

But for my

Saturday, 19 September 2009

Narnia lullaby

So that's a lullaby that I wrote as a part of my novel that I am writing right now. that's a song that dad sings to his small son and remembers times when he was young and wanted to be Prince Peter from Narnia

Now close your eyes
And I will take you to the town
Of million, million stars
There is a lion with a crown,
His love is all around.
Look at these trees, where do they grow?
Why do they grow so fast?
Did you forget your dream so far,
A dream about million stars?

Oh, when it's dark in Narnia,
Don't worry, I am with you,
Am I the king, Am I your dad?
No matter, I love you.

Now close your eyes
And I will take you to the town
Of million, million stars.
And there are kings reigning in piece
Under the height of growing trees,
So quickly growing trees.

and what the heck is love? (from my short story Venice)

Two english people were sitting in a cafe on St Marc's Square in Venice.
She, was beautiful, with curly hair and olive eyes, Denise.
He, was truly English, white skin, kind of gold hair, lilac eyes with a serious and selfish look, James.

It was early evening and a street singer was signing one of his enchated romantic songs about eternal love.

James: Oh, I hate all this talking about love, - what is it all about? People are just obsessed wih it, why? I think, "love" was made up for marketing and trade purposes. The idea of "romantic" love didn't trully exist before the 19th century when it was used by a quite bisexual group of poets to describe their unusual feeling. and then after the WWII in this world of commerce businessmen are using it to sell products, books, fragrances, lingerie, flowers.

Denise didn't say anything to that, she was listening to the song.

But when singer left, she turned to sunshine that was escaping behind Palacio Ducalle and said:

Love is walking with a child in the morning. It's acting on stage in front of the audience. It's giving honest and wise advice for people in need. It's writing a letter to a friend. It's hugging your lover at the end of sex. It's being true and only yourself.

James: Fuck the world and it will fuck you back, love the world and it will love you back in return - same shit. To sum up - "love" is just a word, one of many.

Denise: Yeah, right. And first was Word. And it was God.


I have got so many impossible things in my head. Sometimes they come true. But I believe that sharing is caring. So here is this blog. to share. Love, xx.