Friday, 16 April 2010

the only way to live life

You leave cinema at 6 am on Saturday morning. Inspired by a wonderful film "Knocking on Heaven's door" you realise that everything you made up before that - all the logical shields that you used are bullshit.

All the strength you input into not thinking about him is vanished after watching this film. Because strength and action should always go into fullfilling all that good that there is in your heart. And if you like someone - isn't that good?

But you remember that this is against all logic and just wrong. And probably you just made everything up and this is nothing but a spring fantasy. You know nothing about him and this might be all an illusion and the best way is just to forget and not act on it. You used to like his friend. Your friend used to like him. He's much older. He's Martian. He's an unknown variable in your equation of life. there is just no future with and to be honest no present.

But then you go underground to Lubyanka station where just 2 weeks ago a major explosion killed 40 people. And you think - what if you died - right here, right now. And if he knew - that would be nice for him to know, even if he is a selfish bastard, that you died with your heart warmed by by this spring love fantasy and his talent.

And when you go outside of undeground - to spring sun - you realise that the only way of living life is actually living it.

Sunday, 4 April 2010

A Bedtime story for Martians

Let me tell you a story about a little brave heart that was not afraid to love and never regretted it. I have heard this story from a falling star: it told this story to everything before it fell down to Earth.

On another planet - similar to ours - there was a beautiful tree: it was made of silver and golden and planitum strings and it was alive. It had purple round leaves and golden branches. And its name was - A Tree. It turned its branches and leaves to the sun and when sun was hiding in clouds A Tree played its leaves with a wind like on a harp.

There were a lot of birds who lived on A Tree because they liked its warm branches. These birds were not just using A Tree as a house - they also liked to sing. They sang in different ways: there were birds who liked making noises as violins, others - as pianos, other birds - as drums and some as guitars. These birds were famous in the whole forest because of their wonderful music. When there was wind, A Tree helped them and a beautiful music of harp was added to birds' sounds.

And there was only one bird that could sing with a human voice. It's name was Little Bird. Its voice was magnificent - powerful and strong, soft and gentle. It sang always about happiness, sun, work and wonderful forest and its creatures. These forest soon became the best forest on the planet because it was the most effective and most productive. These birds on A Tree could rock the whole forest with a beautiful and inspiring song.

But one day a Little Kitten came to the forest and it decided to see A Tree and its famous birds band. When a Little Bird saw the Kitten, it immediatly fell in love. And although a Little Bird was never in love before, it felt that it was real. The Little Bird sang a beautiful song to this Kitten in an attempt to impress it. And Kitten was impressed or maybe it just pretended to. A Little Bird was so happy and it started signing beautiful romantic songs to kitten anf dancing watlzes with it. For several days the whole forest looked like a wedding ball - for everyone was celebrating. But on the 3rd day a tragedy happened. Not always kittens are as they seem.

Little Kitten suddenly jumped and killed two birds and almost got a Little Bird. A Tree covered A Little Bird in its brances and never let it go. A Little Kitten understood that it can't get any more food and left the forest. Its "meow" was never heard in this forest again.

But A Tree stayed and A Little Bird stayed. And its heart was broken: its songs were sad and tragic. For several days it sang very sad songs. Sometimes it sang beautiful romantic songs about the first day of love and these days sun was happy and everyone was celebrating because A Little Bird was in a good mood. But sometimes a Little Bird was singing very sad heart-breaking songs when all the birds were crying and wind was not blowing and A Tree was still, and sun was hiding in clouds and even Sky of the planet was crying with big tears.

After one of the songs like this A Tree said: "I hate that Little Kitten, it ruined everything, I wish to Search and Destroy it".

But A Little Bird said: "And I don't regret anything. Those days were one of the best days in my life. and Without it I would never be able to feel love and what it is like to lose everythng. And although now instead of one whole Big Heart I have a Million Little Pieces - I am very happy that it happened. Because now I can love and sing not just with one heart - but with a million little pieces of my broken heart. Sometimes it's better to have love and lose it - rather then not knowing it at all - what it is like - to love."

And this Little Bird was far happier then any other birds - because it did not regret the past and remembered the best of it. And it had beautiful dreams of A Tree and its purple leaves. I wish you to close your eyes and have these dreams of a beautiful planet.

Good night, little Martians.